Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
