return my video game
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
