I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
