College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
