If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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