That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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