Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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