i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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