I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
