nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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