My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sorry about my life...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
