whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
