I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
