Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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