fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
