I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
