Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
