and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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