I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
