third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
