Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well you can't waste a boner
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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