I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
