just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
