Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
