u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
