So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
