Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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