I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
