I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
