I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
