I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
