my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
