So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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