Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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