feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
