tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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