Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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