Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
