we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
