Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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