I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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