i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
