i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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