The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
