normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
