so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
