some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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