naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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