Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
