Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
