Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
