how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
