hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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