I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is my gift to your gina
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
