She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
