he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
