This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
