my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
