I could make wine with my vomit
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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