So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
