So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
