I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize