When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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