Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
