She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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