Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
