It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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