Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
