I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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