never play flip cup with pint glasses
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no. you can't hotbox the world.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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