At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
