I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
