he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
