There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
