put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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