If i come over, it means nothing
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't notice because vodka
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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