I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
