I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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