I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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