You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
