if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
