dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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