why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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