Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
