69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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