wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
