I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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