I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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