Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
