I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
