I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
