i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
