So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wish my penis had a tongue
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
