The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
