If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
